Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
