I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Randomize
