I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
