Got a toothbrush?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
