whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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