i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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