My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
