i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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