my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
