hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
