She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
