vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Two words: blizzard sex
Dick very happy bro
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
