508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
