return my video game
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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