I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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