Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
