The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
