Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
