The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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