I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
