i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
