True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
