Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
