I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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