I think my vagina is haunted
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
