Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
