New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
