I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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