The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
