I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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