Where did you get a picture of my penis
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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