you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
