i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
