I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
