I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
