he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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