That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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