I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
