You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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