i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
