woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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