so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
