Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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