quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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