I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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