next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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