Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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