How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
