She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize