well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize