Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
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