just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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