Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
People in love make me want to vomit
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
