He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
