NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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