I could have mohawked her pubes.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
