He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
