Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
