I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I have aggressive nipples.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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