She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
