is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
