you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
