I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
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