She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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