I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
