WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
