I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
