I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
