5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
