Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
