Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(714): View more from California

I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.

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(+33): View more from France

Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee

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(650): View more from California

I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.

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(916): View more from California

craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?

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(615): View more from Tennessee

fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.

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(850): View more from Florida

I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.

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(770): View more from Georgia

It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!

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