I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
