I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
