So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
