Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
