Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
