did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
