wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
