You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
