It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
