pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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