Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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