I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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