Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
