The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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