Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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