So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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