I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
