with your own penis?
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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