your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
