He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
