Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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