Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Couch. On fire.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
