We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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