would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
