I have demons in me.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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