Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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