my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
